就是我

There is no particular reason why this article is in English. 

Or, maybe there is one (because I am still in school). After all these years in Canada, I realize that I can express my emotions better in English, a language that is still somehow foreign to me. Does this indicate a cultural difference? In Taiwan, I did not learn to express myself or my emotions per se. As a child, I was taught to internalize my feelings, and not to show my weaknesses. As a result, I then find out that I have lost my ability in expressing my true self in my first language. How ironic is it?

It's December the 9th today. Is this an important date? Maybe it is or maybe not.

Exactly one year ago, I gave myself an opportunity, an opportunity for REBIRTH. I was stubborn in some aspects and I did not like to admit my own mistakes. Instead, I continually worked on my decision and hoped for the best. I was capable in recognizing the difficulties or problems; however, I did not have the courage to call for a stop. To me, stop indicated the failure and admitting my own mistakes. It was to a point that I realized the whole thing had become a vicious cycle and I should listen to my mind.

I was afraid to be judged as girl worshiping materialism.
I thought that I had to stay in it especially I learned more about the reality.

I wanted to go a long time ago. I did not.
I really wanted to go again. I could not.
I was the stupid girl trapped in my own nightmare.

It was not your fault.
You have tried your best to be nice to me.
We were simply not a good match, or maybe not even a match.

With all the peer pressures, I thought I have to do this and I better have done that.
At the end, I was not even myself.
I constantly have to learn and to adjust myself, to be someone else.
Trust me, it was not fun!

I am not denying the past.
I am simply glad that I have a healthy rebirth.

A healthy and lovable relationship is something you do not have to constantly remind yourself about.
It should be right at your finger tips or always in your heart.

In conclusion, literally, it had been concluded a year ago. I am having a whole new start and again, I am myself! This article is merely for me to document a significant milestone of my life.

Whatever and however you would like to interpret. It’s not my business!